8.3.16

I never thought it would happen to me

On Monday I had a routine ultrasound to measure the growth of Baby Perry 3. On Monday I found out Baby Perry had no more heartbeat. I announced early in this pregnancy even knowing this could be a possibility.

One in four women experience a miscarriage.

I never thought it would happen to me.

It did happen to me, it is happening to me and I don't want to be alone in mourning this baby. I don't want there to just be a few people that remember Baby Perry 3.

Today, Tuesday, I thought to myself I need people to be around me so I don't lose myself in this loss. I realized that I have people, I have Bird and Lucas. Granted they don't understand or know what's going on, it will be very hard to tell Sophia that there is no longer a baby in my tummy tomorrow, but right now, I can snuggle and giggle with these two littles because they are a part of my people.

Wednesday I have a D&C, this will be my first experience in a surgical procedure and it's overwhelming but it will be closure and pivotal in my personal mourning. I will walk into the clinic tomorrow pregnant and then I will walk out no longer pregnant, without the tiny human to take home with me.

Tomorrow, I will have Adam, my husband who is also experiencing loss we will keep each other from falling down. My parents who just picked up and came down to be here for us and to help with the children. My wonderful Sophia who never fails to make me laugh and Lucas who always has a smile for me. I will also have you all, my online support group who help a stay at home mother stay sane. I need you all, so I don't lose myself, so my family doesn't lose me in this tragedy.