20.12.12

tree

a tree
is a
symbol,
               location,
                                life.

a tree could be a person
                                             a view

                                                            a direction.

to be a tree would be my dream

slow,
           tranquil,
                                                                  content.

stillness intoxicating those around

a tree can see
                        peace
                        discord
                        pain
                        life.

a tree
knows
            the sway of wind
            the bite of cold
            the warmth of the sun
                                                              and loves.



to be a writer you have to just write.
I had always thought that once giving birth and being done with pregnancy that I could just jump right back into the world and still be me.

It's not that i'm no longer me I'm just a bit different now. I'm a mother and there's no such thing as bouncing back for me anymore.

I can only move on and move forward and stop thinking about who I was and what I've done while still remembering the lessons I've learned along the way.

I feel like it's some sort of mid-mid life crisis for me right now, I'm the only one with a child out of my friends from school, i'm the only one married, i'm the only one not still living in Minnesota.  That makes me very distinctive I think, although it's kinda funny as well. I would have never pictured myself in this place, at this time or with this person that I've become. But here I am.

A lot of changes are going to happen rapidly within the next year, we're moving back to Texas, Adam is separating from the army sometime, I'll try and get a job while continuing school, seeing old friends, visiting family, Christmas in January (because we have nothing here at the moment). It's all really crazy, knowing we have to clear out of this apartment with their ridiculous expectations of a place appearing un-lived in, regardless of their knowledge that it was lived in. I'm pretty stressed.

I didn't expect to spend my birthday in my brain, but here I am thinking away.