17.6.11

love

Love is something that is within every story.

People sing about it, people paint it, people write it, and people dream about experiencing it.
Some languages describe it better but English will have to suffice.

It's crazy to think that this one emotion, verb and expression could be something that everyone desires.
That there are multiple ways that it can and is expressed everyday.
There is no possible way to ever contain it inside one definition like Webster attempted to.
It's everywhere and inside everyone.
Impossible to not desire such a way to express a feeling, a knowledge, a passion and a devotion that could rule the world.
The desire for love and to be loved fuels many people to make choices, decisions and changes within their life.
If its for love of another or love of their god, people base their lives and lively hood upon an emotion and expression that cannot be defined.

Wherever did the expression of love come from?
Why is it so widely used within our culture with and without the knowledge of the power that word has upon people?
How am I capable of such a fierce loyalty and passion for a person? Or if ever again a god?

There is a reason why everyone sings about love, and why it's one of the main expressions of art in our creation. Because we were created, somehow, to love and to experience being loved.

16.6.11

Finally now as a married woman, I feel so different now than I have ever felt before.
I love my husband more than I could ever express and it scares me sometimes at how much I am capable of loving one person.
To know that I will spend the rest of my life with this man is impossible to comprehend yet its a lovely thought to have daily.
There is no doubt that this man was created to be my husband and that we are created to be together and it's such a lovely experience.

To know that I will never have to feel alone again.
This man will always love me and I will never have to try to impress him, he just loves me for who I am. Creating a life with a man is an experience that cannot be described unless experienced.
I now have a life that's intertwined and tied to someone else other than myself.
I now know the impossibility to remember life without this man.
He is my home.

11.6.11

reflection...

I've found out that when I read I like to reflect upon my life in comparison to the main character. Jeannette Walls had a crazy childhood, I have already read her book once but while reading it again I find myself either wandering off in the memory of my childhood or wondering "what do I actually remember of growing up?" I am also reading The Autobiography of Eleanor Roosevelt the book begins with her childhood which then sparks the same thought process. Trying to remember a specific day in my childhood like these two women have written in their works is hard for me to grasp. I can remember random events but nothing I feel is worth writing about because to me they are small uneventful moments.

What happens to a person when they get to the point of wanting to write their own story, I know I have gone through a lot in my life and I would like to put it in print someday but when is that day going to happen? Is my life worth putting in print like these ladies? How do I even begin the process of writing a memoir of sorts or how do I even begin writing? There are so many questions to answer but yet no way to answer them other then by just start writing and see what happens.

I desire so much to be a writer in some way, shape or form. I just don't know how to go from wanting to be a author to being a author. Which is the reason why I've decided to write here in a blog format.

I think a lot of my posts will be kind of the same thing, a small reflection I've had of a book I'm reading or a musing of something I heard or saw that day. I've been taken in with my new idea of always having a little notepad and pen with me wherever I go, so that when I have a thought that I want to remember, but know I wont, I'll be able to write it down. This is a good idea for me, because I forget everything!

10.6.11

my earliest memory

Here's a little excerpt from my journal entry today. It was inspired by one of the chapters in Jeannette Walls memoir The Glass Castle cleverly titled: My Earliest Memory.

Here it is.

"June 10, 2011, 15:43
my earliest memory...
When I think of my earliest memories I reference according to the place my family lived. We lived in Sartell, Minnesota in a small two bedroom apartment that seemed huge to me at the time. (Truly was a tiny place for a family of four to live after seeing it again on a visit a few years back) To be honest I can’t really decipher which memory from that era of my life to being the original first memory because they all blur together. Then I was going through some photos of when I was a kid and found one that I had a memory of husking corn with my brother, and two cousins. I was three years old. I believe this to be my first memory because I logically know my age and I remembered it before I saw the photo, just couldn’t reference it to what exact age I was. The memory is warm and fuzzy, we were at a random relatives house and it was for some random event and while preparing dinner of some sort the children, including me, were set the task of husking the corn. In my life I hadn’t done that before and I was overly excited and I think I even threw some corn on the ground. I don’t remember much else from that day, so that can prove to how eventful it was in my three year old mind. Looking back on my childhood, it wasn’t very eventufl but I remember all of the fun I had. I was a crazy child and I grew up very quickly for my age but still made a lot of trouble for a girl my size. So sorry mom and dad."

I think there's a lot of negative connotation put upon ones childhood here in America, which is ridiculous because there are a lot of adults that still act like children every once in awhile. I feel it's gonna be good for me to relive my child hood throughout my journal and in the process of writing my own memoir of sorts. Because I will be able to shed light on the things that i was told went wrong being a child and probably put a lot of hurt behind me.

I definately look forward to writing more in a blog format, it's something I haven't done yet and I'll like to see where it decides to go.